A personal post

I know not everyone likes to read personal posts so feel free to skip this one if you aren't comfortable with it. I feel like we are still in the getting to know me phase and this is something that is weighing on my heart and I just need to get out.

Two years ago today my father passed away. This time of the year is really hard for me. His birthday was May 31, the last time I ever saw him was June 16 which also happened to be Father's Day, and today the day that I got that horrible call from my mother. At the time I was living in Washington state. The visiting nurse told my sister that she needed to get all of the out of town kids back home because he didn't have much time left. I had to wait until my husband could get time away because flying across country (to Vermont) with three kids was not something I wanted to do alone but I knew my dad needed to see the girls.

My dad with Aubriana when she was about 8 months. June 2011

 My dad put on a brave face and he tried to act like he was fine but seeing him as a shell of the man I remember was really hard. He had been sick for a while but it always seemed like he came back from his bad times. He and my mother had visited us in WA right after Jamie was born in 2012 and he had seemed fine. I honestly thought I was going to get there and it wasn't going to be as bad as everyone said it was and he would bounce back.

Not my most flattering picture but one of my favorites. June 2008

He was able to hold on for his oldest grandson's high school graduation and was up visiting with our family. The next day I had to leave to go back home. I have never done something so hard in my life. Saying goodbye to someone that has always been there for me was heartbreaking. I knew I would never see my father again and walking out of that house knowing that was almost impossible. He died 11 days later.

The last picture the day I left.

I'm writing about this because my father was always so proud of me when he would see crafty things I did. I didn't start quilting until after he was gone but every time I finish a quilt I can hear him in my head saying how awesome it is. I know he would be blown away with some of the things I have accomplished. Although he died way too young, 62, he had a full life. He had 5 kids and 8 (now 9) grandchildren and okay we all don't always get along but we love each other.  This was a really hard post to write but it actually helped even if I was sobbing most of the time.

Me and my dad I was probably 2-3

I love you dad.